Posts tagged ‘Character Monologues’

Is That a Podcast?

(BHOYS I WATCH THE FOOTBALL WITH. LAST NIGHT IN MY LOCAL)

OWEN: So, have you got any gigs comin up?

KEARA: Yes, a few things.

OWEN (TO J.P.) Have you seen her?

J.P. Yes.

CHRIS: Is she funny?

J.P. (NODS APPROVINGLY)

RAYMOND: Aye, she’s no bad. Ah seen her once. She did a bit o stand up an then a mad auld lady character hing. It wiz quite funny.

CHRIS: So, when can we see you next?

KEARA: Well, I’ve got a gig on Saturday night, a new comedy cabaret show I’m hosting. I could sort tickets for you all.

OWEN: In Leith?

KEARA: Eh, no. In Edinburgh.

(THEY ALL STARE AT ME)

KEARA: And on Friday I’m on the radio doing another character.

OWEN: The radio?

RAYMOND: Aye, It’s a Podcast.

J.P. She’s on YouTube too.

KEARA: It’s radio. I’m on the radio on Friday.

CHRIS: Where can we see it?

KEARA: Just tune into the Janice Forsyth Culture Studio on Friday afternoon at 2.55 for five minutes. It’s a character thing I’m doing. It’s a wee series. It’s on over the next few Friday afternoons. Different characters every week.

(THEY ALL STARE AT ME)

RAYMOND: Friday efternoon?

OWEN: Culture?

KEARA: Or you can listen again on iPlayer.

CHRIS: Is that a podcast?

J.P. She’s on Vimeo too.

OWEN: Is it on your website?

KEARA: It’s on BBC Radio Scotland’s website.

OWEN: Radio Scotland?

KEARA: Yes. I’ll put a link up on my facebook page.

RAYMOND: Don’t put me oan facebook!

OWEN: He’s got an email.

RAYMOND: Nah. Ah goat rid o’ that an all. Load-a auld shite.

KEARA: I’ll text you.

RAYMOND: (TAKES OUT WHAT LOOKS LIKE A SMALL CHILD’S TOY PHONE) Ah canny open links oan this hing.

OWEN: He can’t even make a phone call on it.

RAYMOND: Aye, ah cin. If ah toap it up.

CHRIS: He never tops it up.

KEARA: I could write it down for you

RAYMOND: Aye, write it doon. Does embdy hae a pen?

J.P. (HANDS OVER A MINI-BOOKIE’s-PEN. KEARA WRITES DOWN THE DETAILS ON A GUINNESS BEER MAT AND HANDS IT OVER TO RAYMOND)

RAYMOND: (TAKES THE BEER MAT AND STARES AT IT)

CHRIS: (TO RAYMOND) Do you have a radio?

RAYMOND: Naw!

OWEN: So, when can we see you next?

KEARA: Well, I’ll see you all here on Sunday for the game.

ALL: (NODDING)

OWEN: Aye, that’ll do.

My brand new character comedy monologue series, The Shark’s Mouth, is on again on Friday afternoon. 2.55pm, The Janice Forsyth Culture Studio, BBC Radio Scotland.  Hear last week’s monologue here: The Shark’s Mouth

IT’S NOT A PODCAST

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The Shark’s Mouth

All of my life, I’ve walked alone in search of a star. These are my stars, they’re the ones I’ve waited for… the ones I’ve waited for… lalalalalalala etc…

Proudly announcing the first in a four part mini-series of my brand new comedy monologues. They are my cute wee babies. I love them all! I LOVE them all!!! And I love you too.

I must say you’re looking really hot today. Have you been working out? And your hair! What’s going down with that? And, are they all your own teeth? They really are a marvellous fit. In fact, you are positively glowing! Are you in love? Or pregnant? Or about to do a crime? Or are you just a real smashing natural beaut?

Anyway, you are beautiful. I love you! I really do. And I hope you love me too. Awkward if not, but I’ll take it on the chin. But, we all love babies, don’t we? Wee cute babies. Diddums!! Well, these are my babies. I love them all and I hope you love them too.

Today, my first incarnation, Grainne O’Grady, introduces the theme for the series: single women looking for love. There is also a lovely cameo appearance by Mammy O’Grady (voice based on my beautiful dead Granny, who, had she lived, would be 120 years old TODAY!!!). Thank you, Granny, for your voice, which lives on inside me.

RIP Granny. Long live The Shark’s Mouth

Tune in here at 2.55pm (duration: 5mins)
The Shark’s Mouth

Thank you Gus Beattie, everyone at The Comedy Unit, everyone at The Culture Studio (especially Zoe & Amy), Janice Forsyth, BBC Radio Scotland. Oh, and, em Jeff Zycinski… and my Mammy and my Granny (two of the funniest women I know).

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