Posts tagged ‘Marriage’

Tax on Love

How could a woman who claims to be a feminist and a “U.N. Women advocate and an ambassador for World Vision” accept her future life as Princess Harry instead of her own perfectly good name, Princess Meghan?


Is is because she has no ‘Royal Blood’? – Whatever that is?

Is it because she is a woman? – Whatever that is?

Or is it because she is black? – Whatever that is?

Firstly, according to Wikipedia (Which means it is 100% true) she DOES have ‘ROYAL BLOOD’ as she is a descendant of King John, who was King of England from 6 April 1199 until his death in 1216. So, it’s not that. And, anyway, we are all royal.

King John

I come from The Diarmait MacMurchada line of Murphys – The Vikings who invaded Ireland, killed a lot of people, and then declared themselves Kings and Queens. So, I am basically The Pirate Queen of Leinster. No need to bow. But I do want my castle back. More on that story in my show, Dark One – now touring! See ‘Welcome’ page

Dermait Mac Murchadha

Secondly, is it because she is black? Well, no, because Kate Middleton claimed she was not black (even though we all come from Africa) and she is also not allowed to have her own name and has to put up with her official title as Princess William!

Finally, is it just because she is a woman? Not really. A male partner of a ‘royal’ woman would be addressed as the same.

Princess Diana was so called but this was not her official title. Her family stated that their umpteenth grandad, or something like that, had once been royalty, or whatever but this was never proved so Diana, Princess of Wales, was not considered of ‘Royal Blood’ and was not officially Princess Diana, but everybody called her that.

What this stuffy nonsense IS, is that The Royal Family is an outdated institution that largely benefits men – despite Her Maj being a women and the longest reigning monarch of all time. This, along with the fact that all Royal marriages (and indeed all marriages) are about power, property and control and basically a TAX on LOVE.


They appear to be in love, these two, “Whatever love means” as Prince Charles once famously said, and that is nice. Love is nice. But it is just such a shame that the love these two human beings have for each other now means that Meghan needs to reshape her life in such a drastic and stifling way. “Giving up acting to focus on humanitarian causes” hmmm? That is what Grace Kelly did and spent her life half depressed because of it.

Marriage should not mean that you give up part of yourself. It should mean that you love and celebrate each other for who each of you already are and respect and support each other’s choices.

Nice ring. I wonder how much we paid for it?

Meghan's Ring

That said, I wish them both all the best of LUCK. They will certainly need it.

Arise, Princess Meghan.


If You Must Celebrate V.D. My Funny Valentines…

Ah, I have so many wonderful memories of V.D. down the years…

Picasso LoversPicasso – The Lovers

My favourite Valentine’s Day was in Hungary, where I lived with my lovely fiancé, who was a very romantic man but afraid of heights.  He took me out to this wonderful place on the Great Hungarian Plains then standing in a field of weeds, pointed to a row of couples leading up to a large wicker basket and said, “You are going up in a hot air balloon for your Valentine’s!” Yes, he did say YOU and not WE! 

As I floated up into the sky, a singleton in a cloud of couples, my darling fiancé waved at me from the ground like my Granddad.  I remember thinking, One day!  – One. Fine. Day! – this romance thing will kick-in like it does in the movies…

My first Valentine’s Card
came through the post.  It said, “Be my Valentime!” 

– Yes, ‘ValenTIME’!

The word was on the front of the card in BOLD RED PRINT! How could he have then misspelled it?!?

On the upside, the guy who worked behind The Chuck Wagon in The Grand Ole Opry (where I worked as a Barmaid) never looked me square in the eye again.

Let’s face it, Valentine’s Day never measures up to your expectations, so, instead of getting hung-up on creating ‘romance’, why not just spice things up a bit by reviving some ancient mating traditions:

1. Get him to run naked through the streets of your hometown with a thorny whip, spanking all the bare bottoms of all the local women.  He will enjoy it no end and none of these lassies will ever flirt with him again (Lupercalia).

2. If your Valentine calls up to your window brandishing a single red rose, just chuck a bucket of hot piss over him.  This ancient mating tradition of Gardy Loo was the modern forerunner to the romantic Golden Shower and is still widely practiced in parts of Scotland today. Mainly on Saturday nights in Edinburgh’s Grassmarket.

Men Modern versions of this tradition also include regurgitating kebab meat over the object of your affection before kissing him. Men really get off on that shit.

3. But they do get their own back on their wedding day, with a tradition known as Blackening the Bride.  This involves the male throwing all manner of debris – sour milk, moldy cabbage, rotten apple-core and hot tar – over the woman of his dreams ensuring that nothing he ever does during their long and arduous marriage will ever be as harrowing. And for that, she will be eternally grateful.

Alternatively, why not stay in with a carry out curry and a marathon run of Come Dine With Me and just slob about in your comfies. It really is very sexy. 

These are just some of my suggestions to help you to spice things up a bit. But you can try a few of your own. Feel free to share them with us. And, remember, whatever you are doing with your loved one today, don’t forget to bring…


The-Kiss-Rodin_2480287bRodin’s, The Kiss

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